Growing Up #18: A Storm Wave

There are days, aren’t there, when you feel as if the entire universe is imploding inside of you. They say our bones have composition of the stars, so indeed the universe does exist inside of us. We are all made of stardust. And this very stardust begins to ache from every corner for reasons we cannot yet decipher.

The crippling anxiety of growing up has become like a dance of the expanding universe, it keeps spreading away, stretching with it a part of us. It hurts, as it did when our bones expanded when we were younger. We were at least assured that we are going to be two inches taller soon. But the expansion of life feels rather unsure. What will become of it, what roads do they meet with, what are the realities and realms it will pass through? Nobody knows an answer, and all the answers are vastly different from one another.

Admitting we are unique, one of a kind, comes with the burden of accepting that our roads are bound to be very different. And yet we inch closer towards the crossroads of comparison. Isn’t it injustice? But wait, isn’t that just what we have been doing our whole lives, maybe even deriving some hidden pleasure out of it.

It is much more convoluted than what meets the eye. The heart is so very capable of feeling circumstances our minds will, perhaps, never be able to lay out on the table and segregate piece for piece; jumping from the apogee of a happy day to the nadirs of despair, the stomach turning itself inside out in its imaginary yet painful process. How capable is the heart and mind on their own, disobeying the commands of the master they have been given to.

What can we do then, when hit by a storm wave of thoughts that have no beginning and seem to have no end. They come, unannounced invited by the lyric of a song, the words of someone around, a memory both distant and close, circumstances we couldn’t alter. And they leave dilapidating the house we have so closely guarded our soul in.

This too shall pass, they say. Maybe it will.


A weekly blog on Growing Up – every Saturday because Saturdays are perfect for overthinking. 

Growing Up #13: What’s all this mess? 37 Questions

  1. Are we scared of reality?
  2. How to get rich? Is savings enough?
  3. Are adults more egoistic than children?
  4. Do we fear being taken for granted?
  5. Why are some of the better things already taken, like domain names?
  6. Do we do things for the sake of it? Education? Marriage? (Inflammatory stuff here, ahem.)
  7. Why are we so bothered?
  8. Is it really possible to give up position, reward and do things for experience and learning?
  9. Should I run or hide?
  10. Should I accept or deny?
  11. Has learning become overrated?
  12. Am I really learning?
  13. Why is it so hard balancing being nice and keep people from walking all over your face?
  14. Am I ready to do this for the rest of my life?
  15. What if I wake up and everything is just an illusion?
  16. Should I have pizza with pineapples?
  17. How old am I?
  18. How old do I feel?
  19. Is this PMS?
  20. Is this real?
  21. How do people become successful?
  22. Wait, what is success?
  23. Is business a legit excuse?
  24. What do you call people who read your messages but don’t reply?
  25. How can two extremes of hot and cold exist at the same time?
  26. Do they really mean what they say?
  27. Why do we want to be special?
  28. Am I falling behind in life?
  29. Why is it still raining in September end?
  30. Can money solve problems?
  31. Are humans the biggest threat ever?
  32. What will happen to the economy?
  33. Is 11 pm a good time to sleep?
  34. Whose reply are we waiting for glaring across the screen?
  35. Why does it feel so uneasy?
  36. Which book should I read?
  37. Am I over thinking?

37 Questions because 37 is a prime number, cannot be divided by 2, 3, 5, 7. Random questions that mostly have no connection between each other, they pop up, come and go. Growing Up, a series about growing up every Saturday. (Not today, cause it’s Tuesday at this part of the world!). 

Growing Up #12: Twenty Two

22

Wait, no, it’s not my birthday. And I’m not turning 22. It’s a line from Taylor Swift’s song titled 22.

I don’t know about you but I’m feeling 22
Everything will be alright if you keep me next to you
You don’t know about me but I bet you want to
Everything will be alright if we just keep dancing like we’re 22, 22

When the song first came out, I always wanted to know what it meant. Why does she specifically sing about feeling like 22? Little did I know that to really understand it, I’d have to go past 22 into the realm of everyday doubt, overthinking, and wandering.

Wait, didn’t JRR Tolkien say something about wanderers: Not all who wander are lost. Phew!

Thats why the feeling of 22. 

Looking back at 22, it was really an incredible time. Agree? Just out into the world with your ingenious thoughts. Good thing is a part of us will always be 22 – naive, growing up, and dreamy.

Will Taylor Swift write something about being 32? Oh yes, she already has.

32 and still growing up now.

A line from her song Innocent.

Of course, no matter how old we get, we will still be young at our hearts, younger and wiser perhaps. Sounds like quite the combo.


Yeah, I grew up listening to a lot of Taylor Swift songs. Growing Up  – a weekly series on growing up, written and delivered on a Saturday (mostly).