#Ideas: Three Ideas to Beat The Awful Feeling from Comparisons

Don’t compare yourself with your friends, isn’t that a utopian statement?’ a friend remarked. I agreed, but added that it was necessary to be content with oneself, and immediately I thought, ‘Look who’s speaking!

Was I content? I couldn’t tell. I can’t. Some days I am, some other days my mind is a mess driving through the exam sheets from grade 2. (I probably don’t even remember it, it must be a constructed memory.)

There’s something more alluring than that packet of chips or plate of pizza. It’s comparisons. I don’t quite remember where was it exactly that I came across the term Obsessive Comparative Disorder on the ocean of the internet. I might have landed on an island whose route I have now forgotten. But the island was an exotic one, and perhaps continues to be more exotic as we deal with comparisons every moment of our lives. Thank you social media. (Well, you might have landed here through a social media link, and I have no words to say about this situation. Thank you for clicking and reading.)

But we can all agree that social media has fueled comparative lifestyle, disorders for some extreme cases. The stories our screen tell are, we know, different from what it seems. We all do. We know it. But just can’t deny, it seems.

Even without social media, the comparative nature doesn’t really go away. We’re bred in such a fashion. Remember report cards from school? Who scored 98%? Who stood first in elocution contest? Competition isn’t all bad, but somehow comparison ruins it all. It’s not I scored 90, see thats how much I knew about and how much I didn’t. But rather, she he they scored 94, 89, 70. It began a long time ago, before the advent of socials, and the unlearning is perhaps going to take an even longer time. Time might not be something we can afford to have, given it’s already about who has a better job, went to a better university, has smarter kids, more caring spouse. It doesn’t stop. It looks like an inevitable part of growing up.

It makes us bitter. The things I failed at make me morose – the ones everyone thought I would excel at. It’s not about giving up, but everyone needs a mental mettle and peace to deal with the little yet pinching things. They say it’s about the pauses in between that makes music sound the way it sounds. Pauses.

I pause and then begin to search for ideas. Here are three ideas I like to go through when I come across the punctured mark sheet of my life. However little or big they may be, they hurt. Ouch!

 

Everyone is equally difficult and awkward to be with. – Alain de Botton 

This line often reminds me that it’s okay, everyone feels such emotions and they too fail. We’re all lacking and wanting. Everyone has holes in them.

Here’s a video by Alain de Botton, telling why we should not go to school reunion!

 

We need to know our strengths in order to know where we belong. – Peter F. Drucker

A planner may find that his beautiful plans fail because he does not follow through on them. Like so many brilliant people, he believes that ideas move mountains. But bulldozers move mountains; ideas show where the bulldozers should go to work. 
– Peter F. Drucker, Managing Yourself 

These are words from the master of management, Drucker himself taken from the article Managing Yourself complied in HBR’s On Managing Yourself. We all have strengths, it helps to learn them. For some it’s in money management, for some in Kindergarten, for others in decorated palette of food.

I am driven to find my strengths ever time I read these words. I am encouraged to try, to take up activities, and to forgive myself for the earlier mishaps.

 

It is what it is, it ain’t what it ain’t. – Anita Fain Taylor

This is one of my favorite videos from the World Championship of Public Speaking by Toastmasters International. Failure is a reality, but it doesn’t tell the full story. It is what it is, it ain’t what it ain’t.

There’s something more alluring than that packet of chips or plate of pizza. It’s comparisons. But we can beat them, both.

A Bottle Full of Life: The Storytellers-Creativeness Fest Nepal 2016

13043614_10209367683894141_5910564905549511000_nStart solving whatever puzzle is available in you, near you, around you. Someday, somewhere the puzzles will fit in, somewhere someplace. Till then we live, we live our lives, we live our dreams, we live our responsibilities, we live our plans. 

The future begins today, right here right now, right in this moment as your heart is pumping blood to every corner of your body, as your lungs purifies the air, just so you could live. Live.

You’ve got to find who you are and be OK with it. ~ Puja Deepanjali Sapkota

Your soul knows what you want. ~ Whitney Freya

We’re often scared of who we really are, because we have this awe so awesome picture in our head, and taking the risk to find out how close reality is to imagination is scary, way too scary. But we’ve got to find it either ways!

Happiness is not ready made, it comes from your actions. ~ Shamash Alidina

Happiness is a choice, just like boiling eggs and having toasts for breakfast.

Being kind to yourself is not selfish. Being kind to yourself is not self-indulgence. ~Harpal Dhatt

We’ve been self critical for too long, that perhaps when someone says you look good today, we begin doubting ourselves if we looked ugly the other day. Be kind, to yourself.

I’m not bothered about my weaknesses, only about strengths. ~ Ajaya Regmi

You can’t compare a sword with a shield. They’re made for different purposes, and yet a sword does not worry about shielding, it is only concerned with cutting through the heart of your enemy.

How you do anything in life, is everything you do. ~ Pat Divilly

How you wake up in the morning, how you work, how you eat, how you let time pass by; everything echo’s in the future. And here we thought destiny couldn’t be self made!

Don’t get attached to a story because it is in the past. That doesn’t tell you who I am today. We don’t have to be who we were, I’d rather be here with you, right here right now. ~ Jade Osborne

It’s in the present, the magic, the spark. Yesterday was the mountain you crossed, tomorrow is the ocean you will meet someday, and right now is the valley, the river you are flowing in.


My words can barely do justice to the heights of creativity and craziness at The Storytellers- Creativeness Fest Nepal 2016 that happened from 15 April, 2016 to 17 April, 2016. I am thankful for having this amazing opportunity to have been a part of it. And grateful to all the amazing mentors and speakers. This post is just a tiny sneak peek of the three mind blown days. 

I’m still reflecting, and I’ll still be reflecting ages down the road.  I hope you enjoyed reading! If you have anything you’d like to share, don’t forget to comment! 

To mindfulness!

Add the ness to the creative! Til’ the next post!

Alfa 

 

What are they made up of?

Iron melts after a certain breaking point, turning into its molten state. It is forged to make the sword. It is beaten, beaten and beaten until its edges can stand no other. In the hands of the warrior, it is a lethal weapon, one that drew kingdoms over maps.

All of us have been that iron, put through the furnace, beaten, beaten, into pieces and we have the capacity to emerge as the slender razor sharp weapon.

The heat is inevitable, so is the beating, but great swords become great in the process, so do achievers. One may never know what the sword has been through but its sharp edges as it pierces through the wind. They are all the same swords put into the heated furnace, beaten by the hands of destiny, and they rise like shining silver in the sun. They began as irons and ended up drawing kingdoms.

“I’ve been called Nepal’s Bill Gates, but I have nothing in common with him. I don’t wear glasses.”

-Mr. Allen B. Tuladhar.

He’s the creator of the fun filled “Typeshala” that we grew up with, who declined the offer to be the second man at the Shanghai office of Microsoft to work for his country, where there are still places with ‘potatoes, corns and no salt.’

“We do not need to copy Bollywood.”

-Mr. Nakim Uddin.

He’s the man behind the multiple QFXs cinemas that hundreds of people walk in and out of everyday. Team Quest was the first to digitize cinema in Nepal. QFX, the name that echoes in every major mall in Kathmandu was inspired by commonly used technical terms VFX and HFX.

“I knew nothing about the restaurant business, I knew nothing about food except to eat.”

-Mr. Shyam L. Kakshapati

The flagship café in town, Nanglo Bakery Cafe is his brainchild. His passion for food, friends and good music, a cafe and pub that began with 18 stools forever changed the outlook of restaurants in the Nepali eye.

As I walked out of the hall, Stephen Hunt’s words echoed in my ears. “If you’re not living at the edge, you’re taking up too much space.” 

You’ve been taking up too much of space! Go run and chase your dream!


I had this amazing opportunity to attend The Storytellers’ Pioneer Series on 30th March 2016 where three amazing personalities graced the stage with their stories.

By the end of the show, a thousand stimulus had flashed across my mind. We often only get to witness the sharp edges of the sword, as they collide against another in the battle against time; very rare do we get to see it being forged like million others.

What are they made up of? Flesh, bone and blood, like we are too. They’ve had their good, bad and ugly times. And yet they stand. So can we.