Growing Up #18: A Storm Wave

There are days, aren’t there, when you feel as if the entire universe is imploding inside of you. They say our bones have composition of the stars, so indeed the universe does exist inside of us. We are all made of stardust. And this very stardust begins to ache from every corner for reasons we cannot yet decipher.

The crippling anxiety of growing up has become like a dance of the expanding universe, it keeps spreading away, stretching with it a part of us. It hurts, as it did when our bones expanded when we were younger. We were at least assured that we are going to be two inches taller soon. But the expansion of life feels rather unsure. What will become of it, what roads do they meet with, what are the realities and realms it will pass through? Nobody knows an answer, and all the answers are vastly different from one another.

Admitting we are unique, one of a kind, comes with the burden of accepting that our roads are bound to be very different. And yet we inch closer towards the crossroads of comparison. Isn’t it injustice? But wait, isn’t that just what we have been doing our whole lives, maybe even deriving some hidden pleasure out of it.

It is much more convoluted than what meets the eye. The heart is so very capable of feeling circumstances our minds will, perhaps, never be able to lay out on the table and segregate piece for piece; jumping from the apogee of a happy day to the nadirs of despair, the stomach turning itself inside out in its imaginary yet painful process. How capable is the heart and mind on their own, disobeying the commands of the master they have been given to.

What can we do then, when hit by a storm wave of thoughts that have no beginning and seem to have no end. They come, unannounced invited by the lyric of a song, the words of someone around, a memory both distant and close, circumstances we couldn’t alter. And they leave dilapidating the house we have so closely guarded our soul in.

This too shall pass, they say. Maybe it will.


A weekly blog on Growing Up – every Saturday because Saturdays are perfect for overthinking. 

Growing Up #16: Stop and Stare by OneRepublic

Stop and stare
I think I’m moving but I go nowhere
Yeah, I know that everyone gets scared
But I’ve become what I can’t be, oh

Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you’re here not there
And you’d give anything to get what’s fair
But fair ain’t what you really need
Oh, can you see what I see?
– Stop and Stare, OneRepublic

Some songs are more than songs, their lines run like verses of poetry. When you take the music out of it’s soul, something is still beating – its words.

Growing up it seems resonates so much with the chorus of this song by the wonderful OneRepublic.

The second verse you see:

I think I’m moving but I go nowhere

We run around, here, there, everywhere and then suddenly land back on square one, like an impending traffic jam was there all along and all we were really doing was trying a different route without understanding that it led to the same blockage.

But well,

Yeah, I know that everyone gets scared

maybe we’ll all in this together. This feeling of being like a spaghetti – twisted and turned.

That’s how everything around us prepared us:

And you’d give anything to get what’s fair

only to now change the rules of the game.

Wonder now:

But fair ain’t what you really need
Oh, can you see what I see?

what it really is.

Now, the full song. Adding music back to the words.


Growing Up – week 16 of writing about it. I might have slacked off this week, typing this on a Thursday.