Growing Up #18: A Storm Wave

There are days, aren’t there, when you feel as if the entire universe is imploding inside of you. They say our bones have composition of the stars, so indeed the universe does exist inside of us. We are all made of stardust. And this very stardust begins to ache from every corner for reasons we cannot yet decipher.

The crippling anxiety of growing up has become like a dance of the expanding universe, it keeps spreading away, stretching with it a part of us. It hurts, as it did when our bones expanded when we were younger. We were at least assured that we are going to be two inches taller soon. But the expansion of life feels rather unsure. What will become of it, what roads do they meet with, what are the realities and realms it will pass through? Nobody knows an answer, and all the answers are vastly different from one another.

Admitting we are unique, one of a kind, comes with the burden of accepting that our roads are bound to be very different. And yet we inch closer towards the crossroads of comparison. Isn’t it injustice? But wait, isn’t that just what we have been doing our whole lives, maybe even deriving some hidden pleasure out of it.

It is much more convoluted than what meets the eye. The heart is so very capable of feeling circumstances our minds will, perhaps, never be able to lay out on the table and segregate piece for piece; jumping from the apogee of a happy day to the nadirs of despair, the stomach turning itself inside out in its imaginary yet painful process. How capable is the heart and mind on their own, disobeying the commands of the master they have been given to.

What can we do then, when hit by a storm wave of thoughts that have no beginning and seem to have no end. They come, unannounced invited by the lyric of a song, the words of someone around, a memory both distant and close, circumstances we couldn’t alter. And they leave dilapidating the house we have so closely guarded our soul in.

This too shall pass, they say. Maybe it will.


A weekly blog on Growing Up – every Saturday because Saturdays are perfect for overthinking. 

The Fall

The heavy sky
laden with dark clouds-
it’s weight unbearable,
yet refusing to fall
over the grounds as
droplets of tear.

When comes the next morning
the wind has blown,
but where do they go – really?
Don’t they return
till they fall over the grounds?

Rock in a River

Do you sometimes feel
like a rock amidst the flowing waters
of a big river?

Each splash of water
you come across tells you a new story.
The river flows on it’s own
as you stand there, immobile
unable to chase the current
as it erodes a part of you.

The river has it’s own mind,
it goes on it’s own
as you become accustomed to its sound.

You can’t roll with it
neither can you run,
for it has a heart of it’s own,
and it meets so many stones.

But you await for the river
long gone to the ocean.
Each splash chips a piece of you,
perhaps it will flow into the ocean
but will you ever be able to find
all your pieces scattered across time?

Do you sometimes feel
like a rock amidst the flowing waters
unable to move,
only there to witness
the change that comes forth?

 

Too

Worry the words
speak too little,
worry the music
beats too loud.

Worry the laughs
echo too much,
worry the time
flows too fast.

Worry the feelings
show too much,
worry the honesty
cuts too deep.

Worry nothing
ever falls one hundred,
there’s always some
crack in between,
someone else you
could have been.

Worry too much.